We are truly bound by the words we speak. In fact there are no tighter bonds in any relationship or jail!
“Great men and great women are they who see that spiritual thought is stronger than any material force; that thoughts rule the world.” So said Emerson many years ago.
What we speak is merely the thought of a minute ago. It is imprinted upon every cell of our bodies in three ways. First we think it, then we speak it and finally we hear it. The more emotion felt with the spoken words the more impact and impression is made upon the self. So it is that a seemingly small incident becomes a great event in our perception. Our world is made up of our perceptions. You see we really do create our own reality. It all starts with a thought.
For someone to change the way their life is going, they must first change the way they think about themselves and the world around them. For example, how often have you heard a person say, “If I had a better relationship with my father I would be happy,” or “She made me feel this way. I can’t help it,” or “Why did they do this to me?” In each of these cases, it is always somebody else that is to blame for our reality.
Let’s look at each of these examples in a new light. Everyone wants to be happy. Why wait for someone else to make happiness for you? I’d venture to say that fatherhood or motherhood does not require of the parent or the child that they be happy. It would be wonderful if all family relationships were happy, but that is not what we find here on this planet Earth. However, it is what we are here to learn. So now we have a new dimension. Our parents become teachers of: “How to learn to be happy in a close relationship.” What an opportunity they afford us, especially if they themselves are not demonstrating happiness. Sometimes we have to look very hard to find goodness in this situation.
When we do set aside, let go, forgive the sins of the parent we find that we can then focus on the good that they have to share. For each person that will be different. The key here is to forgive their errors and omissions. It is strange that insurance companies carry “errors and omissions” coverage, and yet we can’t seem to extend that to parents, who in most cases did the best that they knew how to do in raising us.
How can anyone make you feel? That is an inside job as far as I have experienced. I feel my own feelings, you feel yours, and she feels hers. It is our reaction to what is happening that send the emotion to the forefront of our reality. It happens as though it is a natural norm and we figure that everyone feels the same, Of course this is not true. The reaction is a learned way of dealing with certain situations in order for us to feel in control of our lives. The reaction can raise our blood pressure, and often does or it can help us cool down and find a solution that is workable to both parties. We always have a choice. The choice is in our mind. When we take time, we find that we can respond instead of react. It takes mental training to be able to respond in a mature and healthy way. Discipline is the key word here. Now that’s a word most people shy away from, because we associate it with punishment. However if we are to take charge of our lives, we must be disciplined in how we think, how we respond and how we address life. We are not helpless beings who are tossed around like a leaf on a windy day. We are more than that, when we choose to practice mental self discipline, we are in control.
The word “discipline” means mental training. “There is nothing in all the world that would mean more to our lives mentally, physically, and morally than to persistently practice, with all of the strength we possess, the power of controlling our minds, by excluding all other things, and concentrating our thoughts and desires upon those elements of strength that we wish to obtain,” said Dr. J. Herman Randall.
“This is the key to the whole problem of mental development – that we shall learn how to live continually in the presence of the thoughts or faculties which we earnestly desire to see developed in ourselves.” The mystic would say, “Live in the present moment.”
How can anyone, do it, to you? Again we find that this type of logic leads to total self-denial. If “they,”(whoever they are that can do it to you) are real, then “they” must control all of your life, both good and bad. This is not a pretty picture or a pleasant feeling! All choice is gone, if this is true. It also has within it the making of a “slave/master” relationship. When that is put under close scrutiny one finds that the master soon becomes the slave to the slave. In order to keep such a relationship stable it limits the master’s activity.
An easy example of this is a child and parent. The child does something wrong, the parent decides to punish by grounding the child. If the parent wants to make sure that the grounding takes place, then the parent too is grounded. Freedom is lost to both child and parent! Many parents say, “Johnny made me do it.”
Who’s in control of whom? Interesting speculation, and of course we know that the child is in the control seat. It is far better to understand our own reason for acting and find a way – to heal that which is not beneficial for the honor and glory of who we truly are. You become what you think about.
Dr. Dave Hill, DCH
“All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them.” -Walt Disney